Loving your spouse for the sake of Allah
The Institution of marriage is one of the best tests of the time -- both getting married and staying married.
As if These hardships alone were not enough, add to that the challenge of making the marriage genuinely Islamic and effective -- because of course, simply staying and getting married in themselves are not key indicators of success.
That Marriage is 'half our deen' isn't any mild statement; because, it requires a significant number of hard work and faith to make our unions the vision of tranquility that Allah intends for us.
So What exactly does it take to 'dwell in tranquility' with our spouses?
There Is no exhaustive to-do list for a successful partner just as there is no one-size fits all solution to marital challenges. On the other hand, the steps below summarize the should start with a solid spiritual foundation- a crucial prerequisite to becoming a prosperous Muslim partner.
Ultimately, Making Allah the heart of one's marriage can help lead to creating the spouses' hearts strong for one another.
The First and most important step to becoming a successful Muslim partner would be to try for a strong, wholesome relationship with your Creator. This means learning how to direct your thoughts, intentions, words and actions all toward pleasing Allah. More importantly, this means learning to live and love for the sake of Allah.
While This is a basic requirement for any healthy relationship in this world, it's also perhaps one of the most difficult concepts to get our heads around as as a society, we have not learned enough about this notion even in theory, let alone in practice.
Learning The way to love for the sake of Allah is the most necessary step simply because both you and your partner are individual, so fallible. Neither of you will always be lovable nor will your marriage always be desired.
There Will be ups and downs, moments of hardship and ease. This is a fact of life. Allah nevertheless, is the only continuous, the only eternal and the only one who is constantly loving, forgiving, helping, healing and truly guiding.
Therefore, Putting all your primary love, dedication and action in this direction will reap you consistent benefits for your union and all facets of the world and the hereafter.
Loving for the sake of Allah
It Means placing all your hopes, expectations and desires on Allah. It means based ultimately only on Allah to fulfill all of your needs -- emotional, physical and beyond.
This by No means implies that your spouse has no obligations towards you. It does imply, however, that even when he or she fails or is necessarily constrained in certain aspects, your final reliance depends upon Allah only. This complete dependence and attachment just to Allah can save much heartbreak, disappointment and even disillusionment down the road.
Learn & Apply the Quranic Ahkam of Marriage
In the Few verses the Quran contains on union, there's a lot of wisdom on how we are to approach the most intimate of our principal bonds.
Have we Truly embedded these verses into the core of our marriage or are they left as simply glistening calligraphy we embed on our wedding invitations?
Tranquility. Peace. Serenity. These are intended to be the objectives of union. The complete setup of our union life -- everything from our ideas and words, to our homes, intimacy, financing, social activities and much more, should all be diverted at bringing peace into one another's lives.
We must Sincerely question whether our efforts are responsible for fulfilling Allah's purpose of marital tranquility or in pursuit of our restricted worldly comprehension of marriage.
Are our Efforts for the sake of living together in tranquility or are they for the sake of feeding our lesser selves and only fulfilling our worldly wants and demands?
Our Desires have their place and significance; after all, Allah himself made them and supplied us with union in order to fulfill them. Moreover, among the oft-repeated prayers of Prophet Muhammad (peace be on him) was to ask Allah to give him the finest in this planet and the hereafter.
However, When our worldly needs take precedence over the Quranic objective of tranquility for union, we digress from Allah's main purpose with this sacred marriage.
Learn & Apply the Prophetic Ahkam of Marriage
Frequently Times, the primary set of reference points we have for marriage include that of our parents, relatives, friends or what's depicted in movies, tv and celebrity culture.
Regrettably However, these reference points may not always demonstrate what a healthful Muslim union should look like.
Just as Together with all aspects of a Muslim's lifetime, for marriage also, we have to look to the Prophetic approach for guidance in every facet from how to choose a spouse, to the procedure for this marriage, the intimate relations, day to day lifestyle and most significantly on the way best to deal with the benefits and tribulations that come with married life.
There Is much wisdom and practical tips one can profit from delving into the connection Prophet Muhammad shared with every one of his grandparents. This education has to be a requirement for anyone entering a Muslim union, chiefly for knowing how to approach one's function as a husband or wife.
Two key Challenges in any relationship, especially union, are in addressing one another's flaws and differences and as a result, spending a lot of married life attempting to 'fix' each other.
This Approach neglects the fact that finally, life and all of the functions one may play in it, such as that of a spouse, is all supposed to be a journey itself improvement, so you can slowly but surely become the person that Allah desires them to be.
The Primary focus then must first be on self-improvement, rather than on 'spouse advancement.' Research also demonstrates that all individuals, married or not, follow and learn better through example rather than only advice.
No one Understood and practiced this better than Prophet Muhammad, who had been known by his wife, Aisha, as a surviving example of the Quran. In fact, scholars have gone on record to state that much of the Prophet's Sunnah comes out of his actions rather than words. He had been a man of action -- a spouse of actions.
This is Not to say that you should not seek to enhance the self and the partner -- only to suggest a sensible and prudent approach in doing this. The lesson from Prophet Muhammad in marriage and all relationship matters is clear: Lead by example.
Humans are not perfect
Thanks To romantic comedies, tales that some rosy-eyed newly-weds share or even the tendency of intentionally or unintentionally displaying perfect marital relations on social media, many of us have fallen into expecting perfection from ourselves and from our partners in marriage.
To get From the trap, first we have to internalize the fact that perfection belongs only to Allah. In fact, by default, makes us dumb.
To test Whether or not you've fully realized this fact, ask yourself: How do I respond to my flaws? How do I respond to the flaws of my partner?
If you Find that you chance to beat yourself up when you make a mistake or are rather harsh with your partner's limitations, you need to question how well you accept the fact that perfection belongs only to Allah.
Adjust Your expectations from yourself and your spouse, accept that with marriage comes bitterness and ease and learn to strive for excellence, instead of perfection.
This Point truly puts into perspective the huge picture for union -- ultimately -- a successful marriage -- not just one that stays intact but one that does this with tranquility and coolness between the spouses -- this achievement helps not only both people or kids involved but can go onto positively impact society as a whole.
A truly Successful marriage, in the Islamic belief, can help to make positive leaders and role models out of their spouses and kids -- for the best benefit of communities across the plank and this in turn, can help humanity to flourish and progress.
The Order of the prayer -- asking for coolness from the partner and marriage and then help in becoming leaders among the righteous permits for this shift in the big picture focus we must have for our marriages.
Moreover, A focus on this huge picture can help you to multitask during the inevitable tough times in marriage and life.
Conclusion:
Marriage, Just like every other aspect of this world, is merely a path to reaching our final destination: Allah and our house in paradise.
While Starting with a solid spiritual base is simply the start to becoming a prosperous Muslim partner, it is an essential prerequisite to succeeding in marriage since it helps keep your eyes on the ball.
Making Allah the heart of a union can help to not only strengthen the hearts of both spouses to each other but will also cause an accurate compass with which the few can browse through all the further practical habits, characteristics and challenges that come with trying to become a prosperous Muslim partner.
Finally, In spite of the right focus and attempts -- that the end results may not always be exactly what we desire. There could be continuous hardship and there is also the reality of unions which don't work out.
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